Cosmos 

Welcome back to the show, my fellow extraordinary Americans. For today’s guest, we have Isilay Cabuk. Isilay is an executive leader and personal growth coach. She started her career as a nurse practitioner, helping and healing patients in the intensive coronary unit in the American Hospital in Istanbul, Turkey. Her trust in the US happened when an American patient needed assistance flying back. She was one of the very few nurses who managed to speak English. 

And after staying in the US for two weeks, it was as if her heart knew this was where she wanted to study finance. It was a place full of opportunities for someone like her, who was full of dreams. The challenge, however, was to convince her parents. Shifting her major from nursing to finance was a huge step, and her nurse and doctor friends told her that it was a mistake and that she was setting herself up for failure. 

After two years of overcoming obstacles, she finally came to New York. Once she came there, there was no turning back. She loved the city, its people, and its spirit. She interned at the Stanford and Poor’s Index in high-level managerial positions. She also dealt with international companies and over 100 stock markets. Her Wall Street experience puts her in a unique position to understand challenges and identify opportunities for today’s business leaders. She’s extraordinary, and I’m glad and honored to have her on the show. Are you there?

Isilay  

I am. Thank you, Cosmos. I am here. Thank you for having me.

Cosmos 

Thank you for taking the time to do this with us.

Can you tell the audience more about your story, how you came from Istanbul to America, just your journey in general, and how you got into finance and all that?

Isilay  

Wow. Yeah, this is a great question. Let me see how and where to start. So you know, I am an executive leadership and personal growth coach. And I’ve been doing this since 2015. I left Wall Street in 2015 and went to school again to study coaching. Since then, I have been a coach and loved every moment. I love coaching because I know what magic it creates in life. I served here in New York on the International Coaching Federation and the board as the treasurer. So that was my background in finance that helped me, and that’s a way of giving back to the coaching community because giving back is one of my values.

Before my coaching, of course, I was in finance. I worked 15 years down in finance. And I started as an intern, let’s put it that way, because I was an international student in New York. And before that, as you said, I was a nurse back home and worked for five years. 

 All these experiences, nursing, and finance have made me the coach I am today. And I am just grateful for today, simply. When I watched Steve Jobs’s speech at the university graduation, what he said resonated with me because moving from nursing to finance to coaching, it’s like when you look, it doesn’t make sense. When I first decided to do all these, everyone asked, What are you doing? From nursing to finance, it just doesn’t make any sense. But what Steve Jobs said is that you can’t connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them when you look back. So I was like, wow. Nursing brings empathy and critical thinking tasks. Moving finance brings the business acumen and makes me the coach I am today.

Cosmos 

Well, one of the things that I’m fascinated by is your transition from Turkey to New York and from nursing to finance, because those are two different worlds, and somehow it’s integrated into your life. Into your coaching business. Right. And so, my question is, how did you adapt and transition, and what was that process like? Because most people cannot do what you did, you know, to go against the grain and then just go after what they did, their vision, or their dream. 

Could you tell the audience what the process you had to go through was and how you got to where you are?

Isilay  

I didn’t know about either, from nursing to finance, and moving from Turkey to the United States. All I knew was I had a vision. I knew that I was going to. I’m going to come to the United States, and I’m going to study business administration. I wasn’t even sure if it was finance back then, but how I did it was very difficult for me, Cosmos, because when I decided to come here, I was all alone. I. I had the grammar of English, but my vocabulary wasn’t there. 

Speaking was also difficult for me. And I didn’t know anyone here. I also learned how I did on both transitions, knowing my vision, going slowly on a strong foundation—there is no shortcut for me—and being fully present at whatever I do. And I think that helped me achieve what I wanted to achieve. Even though I didn’t know the steps, I was present on the day and what was before me. And I did everything I’m supposed to be doing, and with huge enthusiasm. I’m one of those who are overly enthusiastic about anything I do and just believe in myself. 

Of course, if it didn’t work, I could return home. I could go back to nursing. Right. If coaching doesn’t work, I can always go back to finance. But the idea is I’m going to do this. I will try it once, but I will put 100%, more than 100%, of myself into this and see if it works.

Cosmos 

That is amazing. But. But then, to go, like when your friends and family are not supportive, right? Like, for a lot of people. 

One of the reasons I started this podcast is that many people want to start a business or go after what they want, but their environment is not conducive to it. It’s kind of like the crab bucket mentality. They’re preventing you from aspiring to the thing, saying you can’t do it, or it’s impossible. 

What emotional strength did you have that made you go for the thing anyway and figure it out despite the environment telling you to continue to be a nurse?

Isilay  

The strength for me is that, you know, courage is one of my top values. What I did was scary. As a young female moving from, you know, Turkey to the United States all by myself, it was huge. One thing: I was very lucky that my family initially supported me. As you read in my bio, I tried to convince my parents for two years because they initially said no to me. 

And I did not quit because one funny thing about me is that, naturally, I just don’t know how to quit. That’s. Is it good, or is it bad? I don’t know, but I don’t know how to quit. 

I convinced my parents, and, from that moment on, all my family has been very supportive of me. Of course, others were not supportive or didn’t understand, let’s put it that way. So, the first thing is being courageous enough. 

I was afraid, right? It’s not like, yeah, I’m going to do it. Yes, I was afraid. I was scared. But even then, I said, I will try this because I knew some things about myself when I was young. Two things. One of them is that I am responsible for my happiness. It’s no one’s responsibility. I feel responsible for my happiness because, for me to give back and make others happy, I need to be happy first. So that’s one thing I knew quite early. I’m responsible for my happiness. And I will make everyone I interact with think I will be the reason for their happiness. The second thing I knew about myself was that regret doesn’t live in my dictionary. 

I think that was a big thing also, because if I didn’t come or try, I might regret it later. But if I come and try, I can say, Well, I came and tried. Didn’t work. Go back. So those are my strengths: courage, not having the word regret in my dictionary, and being responsible for my happiness.

Cosmos 

What you discussed, regret, is relevant because so many people become. They go into old age and have so many things they wanted to do, but they just didn’t do them because they were too afraid to go after what they wanted. Or, the environment was the environment of friends and family, which was unsupportive. They just hold it inside of them. And then they become old. And then they’re a while. And then they realize that it’s too late. 

One of the greatest motivators, like the American dream, is that you should not have any regrets. You should go after what you want because, you know, you never know. Like, it’s better to live life without regrets. Right? 

Sometimes mistakes are going to be made. Like, it’s. That’s what freedom is about. Like, the freedom to make your own mistakes. But through that, you learn more about yourself, you know?

Isilay  

Absolutely. Because, I mean, I didn’t know about this back then, but I just knew internally that I didn’t want to have any regret. Of course, later on, I learn that regret doesn’t serve anyone. If I am feeling regret, it doesn’t serve me. It doesn’t serve people around me. It’s just a waste of time.

Right? And some people, as you said, come to, like, the end of their life, and they’re, like, I wish I did this, I wish I did that. I just hope they would get to understand the decision they made back then, with the best information they had back then. So it’s still good. That’s why regret doesn’t do anything for anyone.

Cosmos 

It’s fascinating, right? How many people are there? Like most people, they go through life without living on their terms. And. But this brings us to the next point. 

We have to be financially free to, like, have, like, to go and live life to the fullest. So I wanted to continue.

You came from Istanbul to New York and then went to Wall Street. 

What is, what, what was that like? From being a nurse to this cutthroat world of Wall Street and finance? Because of the reputation, the things we hear about Wall Street are no mercy. It’s all about the numbers. It’s all about the. It’s all about making a profit. So, what would that be like as you went into this industry?

Isilay  

Yeah, I feel very lucky because when I finished university here and started down on Wall Street, it was like going to another university. I was extremely lucky to have all these people around me who are brilliant and ready to share what they know.

And I was like a sponge, right? Like I’m taking in whatever is there simply. So it was an amazing experience for me. And you know why I left finance and then went into coaching later. 

I was 15 years old. I was there; after my 10 to 10 years, I had analysts here that I was managing, an analyst in London and Beijing that I was doing a project with, and I was covering thousands of companies worldwide. 

It was a lot of human interaction, sharing my knowledge, teaching, and supporting others. After the 10th year, I moved to another role in the same company, which was a standalone role. 

I’m sitting there, month one, month two, and I’m not feeling myself. It’s. Something is wrong with this position, but I can’t say what it is. And you know, I just like to listen to myself and try to see what is and is different, because the same company is still financing. Why am I not feeling fulfilled here? And then I realized that that role was missing the human factor. Because even though I am very analytical, I need that quiet time. I still need to be with people. That gives me joy. Helping people. Now it’s a different way. Right? Nursing was different. Coaching is different. And down on Wall Street, for 10 years, I’ve been helping people in different ways.

I decided I won’t go for finance anymore and switched to coaching. But it was a great experience for me.

Cosmos 

So, from your perspective, what are the greatest lessons you learned during your time? Like on Wall Street, what revelations did you have regarding finances and how everything works?

Isilay  

They say that when we talk about finances, we talk about personal finances. Right. At the universities, they say you teach people how to run companies, but not how to run their finances. 

Of course, that part was clear. I’ve learned a lot about, you know, stock markets, companies, etc. And you know, when it comes to our finances, that doesn’t have much to do with that. It’s all one’s learning. I will say that it was mostly about companies and stock markets that I knew.

Cosmos

When they hear about Wall Street, many think it’s just like The Wolf of Wall Street, and they have this certain image. Reality can also be that there’s some truth to the stereotypes and a different perspective.

But another question I wanted to ask you was, from my perspective, I went through many culture shocks when I came to America, right? Like when I came here first for university, it’s similar to your story, like where you were, you came here by yourself. 

So I came here by myself, like I came here by myself. Like my parents were back in the Middle East, right? Like, Dad was working on his thing. I was here alone and had to absorb the new culture while still. So, my question is, how about adapting to New York culture while maintaining your roots in Turkish culture?

Isilay  

I guess you know this when you move to any place different than where you’re born; things are quite different. I guess New York is quite different. I was; I was only observing and seeing the differences. 

And it’s something really funny at the university, one of our teachers shared with us. You know, we were mostly international students in that class. You can imagine being in. She said when you return home, you will notice that people are different, but you must understand they didn’t change. You changed. That was very big for me because people would leave there, and they’re still in the same, you know, world, let’s say. But we’re saying that seeing new things could be anything. 

For instance, how does the traffic work? Or how the lines are. a. In banking. Bank, office work—all these little things. I was just enjoying watching the difference, simply. And the first time I went home, I could see that. I was able to see the differences. I remember trying to cross the street; everyone was crossing, and I was just standing there. 

And then out loud I said, How am I going to cross? There was no traffic, but people were still able to cross. And I couldn’t do it. I was surprised by myself. I’m like one. I was able to do it before, but, you know, coming in here and not jumping on the street right now in New York, I mean, everyone jumps on the street. But that wasn’t like that, probably. 

Just seeing the differences, being aware. And the best part is that you can pick whatever works better. So I think that’s what I was doing.

Cosmos 

No, I mean, it’s like, from my perspective at least, when I go from, let’s say, I’m visiting my parents in India, right? Now they are moving back to India. And like I go from India to America, it’s just like. It’s just like two different worlds. It’s almost like an alien planet, right? One of the things I noticed is that in America, people are more logical and analytical and think more with their heads.

Isilay  

And in.

Cosmos 

In Indian culture, people think more with the heart and are more family-oriented. And so, even in the Middle East, it’s more like family values and everything. 

It’s more individuality and individualism. Especially if you go to New York. I have family in New Jersey and the New York area, and have visited New York many times. And you have individualism on one hand, and you have family and emotion on the other. And like, there’s just thinking with the heart. 

It’s just like the combination of these two worlds, and it’s the synthesis of it that ultimately likes, and your reactions to it ultimately shape who you are.

Isilay  

Absolutely. And you know, what do we keep? What do we not keep? Right? For instance, I have been here for over 30 years and go home every year. I just found the time to go home. I’m the only one in the United States. 

All my family is back in Turkey. Because family is one of my top values, and that will never change for me. Even though I’ve been here, you know, individually for over 30 years, certain things will never change. You’re right. Yeah.

Cosmos

So, one thing I wanted to ask was, when you’re coaching people, what do you think are the biggest mindset blocks and challenges people have about success in life, and how should they overcome them?

Isilay  

You know, there are several things I get to see all the time. One of them is that it’s quite interesting how people overuse their strengths, right? So, we always look into what your strength is. And let’s build on it. We also need to understand that if we overuse our strengths, they will become our weaknesses. And I witnessed that with myself when I was down on Wall Street. 

This is one area that I get to see and work with, you know, high-performing, high-ethics, and high-integrity clients. You can imagine some of their strengths. They could use a lot. Ultimately, it would not serve them. For instance, one could have an “I can do it all mentality. I can do it all. I don’t need help in the long run; that is not serving anyone. Another one would be so that I don’t need help. Also, it goes into delegation, right? 

If they’re not delegating, they’re doing things they’re not supposed to be. So they can’t grow unless they start delegating. Another one I would see is leaders having difficulty with feedback. For instance, if they’re managing people, or even if they are standalone, if they’re having difficulty giving feedback, no one understands what they expect or where they stand. So that would be another one. 

Those are a couple that come to my mind. One is using their overstrength, overusing them. And the other one is feedback. Also, communication is always in the picture, right? Because it’s not easy to communicate with each person, we can’t be doing it one way. We have to be flexible so that everyone can hear us. So, communication is also a big one.

Cosmos 

What do you, like you mentioned, think about feedback and delegation? And I have some thoughts on both of those. For instance, delegation is necessary to expand and make your business big and successful. 

Because a lot of times what happens is people, they end up, like, creating, like, a job where they’re the center and become a prisoner of their own business because without them the business cannot run because they are too afraid to trust people to delegate tasks that are required for them to focus on the macro picture. I don’t know what your thoughts are on that, but that’s something that I’ve noticed.

Isilay  

I was in it, not delegating, saying I could do it. Also, people grow because they are good at what they do. Right? Let’s say you’re an engineer, you’re in finance, or whatever the field you’re in, you’re the subject matter expert, you do it so well, and then they make you a leader. Many people report to you now, but you use the word trust, which is extremely important. If I cannot trust you to do the work, I will do it, and you will end up watching it. Ultimately, you will get bored, and I will bury it in the work. I won’t grow. You won’t grow. 

This is how I explain it to my clients. For them to grow, they need to help their people grow. And I always say this. Sometimes I ask them, What do you think your first and only job is to do as a leader? They say a couple of things. What if I told you, as a leader, your only job is to create other leaders? What would you think? We create other leaders by trusting them, giving them work, and enabling and empowering them. 

Delegation is extremely important for anyone so that their people can also move up. And the feedback you said. Right, so that’s about delegation. I don’t know if I was able to explain that.

Cosmos 

Regarding delegation, I think with feedback, what came to my mind is that many people don’t take feedback because they do not want to have criticism, or like their ego is too tied up in the product or their business. 

There’s an illusion of success or a self-esteem thing they must do. Ultimately, we have to be open to constructive criticism to help eliminate defects in the business and make it grow. But it’s a very interesting phenomenon in many businesses and among entrepreneurs.

Isilay

Feedback is extremely important. Because when we say feedback, it usually has this negative connotation. Right. Feedback is coming, and I don’t want to hear it. 

I always share it with my clients to ask for feedback, and when they hear the feedback, I just say thank you. Because usually what happens when we get feedback, we say, Yeah, you’re right, but I was trying to do, you know, xyz. So we always have a but and then a kind of explanation. 

We’re killing that feedback there when we do that. So the idea is to ask for feedback and just say thank you. I take it in, thank you. Never give feedback unless we ask for permission. May I give you some feedback? We ask for permission. And also very important, if we’re a person who only gives feedback when things are not going well, then people will be like, Oh, feedback is coming. 

The combination of positive and not-so-positive feedback is extremely important. There are also ways to give feedback because if we start, you know, our conversation, especially like you, if we start with you, the feedback will come. This is negative. I will put my shields on; I won’t even hear you. But there is a formula to do that with that formula. For instance, the person getting the feedback does not feel blamed. Therefore, they’re open to listening and taking it positively.

I honestly think a lot of it comes down to humility because there are two types of leadership. There’s the ego-based leadership and the servant-based leadership. And those others are obviously like, it comes from a place of humility. You’re serving other people, but then you become that leader in serving. The other type is the ego-based, and it’s more of a fear-based, dominance-based thing. And these two leadership styles are the ones that are seen in today’s world. 

But like in mainland corporate America, for instance, ego-based leadership is taking prominence, and everything is glorified when you’ve seen it in the media and on television. However, this other type of leadership, servant-based leadership, requires delegation and feedback. But ultimately, you have to be humble for this to work, and it isn’t easy to do because you have to do a lot of introspection.

Cosmos

I mean, easier said than done. Right. But I think a lot. A lot of it is humility, but it has to come from the right place. 

And I think that’s where spirituality comes into play. But I have noticed that when you serve others and your focus is on others, then, naturally, it becomes. It becomes a habit.

Isilay

Yeah, you said it has to come from the right place. I love that because I always share this with my clients. They’re trying to do something and having difficulty communicating, talking to the person, or whatever the case may be. 

And I always remind them, I say, think about your intention. You have good intentions here. And if we think about our intentions, how we show up in this world will be different. Right. Because we have good intentions. So it needs to come from a good place. I love that. Yeah

Cosmos 

On a different note, I wanted to ask you because America’s identity is an entrepreneurial immigrant identity. It was founded on the immigrant identity and was built based on entrepreneurship. 

As you know, since you’re an immigrant from Turkey who came to America, how do you see the identity of America, and how do you find all of it from your perspective?

Isilay  

I think it has changed a lot since I moved in here. It. You know, 30 years ago, America was a different place. And now a lot of us. We went through a lot of changes. And it is a different place right now. But at the end, I still see the goodness, you know, in the American spirit and people. What is it that they want to do? They want to serve. 

And I’m glad to be part of it too. One of the reasons I came to the United States was that I could attend a school in Turkey, but I was already five years into nursing. And, right now in Turkey, I think three and a half million students take the university exam simultaneously. And that’s how it works. Back then, I think it was about 1 million. So, imagine I am not in school for five years. I’m working as a nurse. And now I’m going to enter that exam with the new grads. 

Chances are they’re going to go before me. That’s why when I came to the United States, I looked into the school system, and I said, Wow, it’s a lot easier here because they look at your, you know, grades from school and everything else, and things are, you know, more opportunities. As I said, I couldn’t have that in Turkey, but I was able to have it here. Yes. Was it difficult financially? Because now that requires money. Right? That’s the thing about the United States. If you’re going to school, especially as an international student, that was not easy. But still, the opportunity is there if you go for it. So that’s how I am seeing it.

Cosmos 

Let’s say this: somebody reaches out to you and they ask, How do I go? I want to achieve my goals, vision, and version of the American dream.

But I have all these mindset issues, and I feel like the environment is not in my favor. How would you advise this person on achieving their version of the American dream?

Isilay 

The first thing I would explore with them is how much they want this, whatever the dream they are speaking about. How much do they want that? And after that, everything else is a story. They can either try or not try in two ways. If they try it, it is possible to make it happen. If they don’t try it, the possibility is zero. So, I would talk about that. 

And also, what are the ways they see themselves going there? As I mentioned at the beginning, there’s no shortcut with me. Right? Because after the corporate world, I could just say I’m a coach. Because coaches are doing that. They just, you know, leave the corporate world, and they say they’re coaches. I had to go back to school, and you know, everything has to be on, according to books, simply. 

No shortcut and extremely important. I think when you don’t take shortcuts when you are in it, that means you’re present. And being present is everything, everything. If I am here with you and I’m thinking about my next call, I’m not 100% with you. So being present is extremely important and makes you enjoy the moment rather than thinking about the next step and thinking about the next step. So, mindsets could change. Ah, also the support they get. Right.

If they had, you know, when I moved to coaching, I’ve had some friends supporting me fully. Yes, this is great. You’re going to be wonderful. Some of them didn’t agree with me. That doesn’t mean I’m going to cut my relationship with them. But I could do a minimum, or I wouldn’t talk about my business simply. 

It is extremely important to surround ourselves with people who support us while we decide to do something. Those would be, you know, my little insights to share.

Cosmos 

What you mentioned about being in the present moment is relevant because people often live in the past or are too anxious about the future. And many things that happened in the past ultimately don’t matter. 

And many things they’re anxious about in the future do not come to pass. So being in the present moment helps out a lot. But it’s easier said than done. It’s one of those mindsets that, if you apply it, like, I. I think a lot of people that I know are into Zen meditation. And then it’s. It’s designed to be in the present moment and see and observe emotions, but not be attached to them. 

If we have a Zen mindset, that is great. It just affects every part of our lives positively.

Isilay  

I’m a big meditator. I meditate every day. And, every year, I go out for about 10 days. I just cut my, you know, worldly relationships, and for 10 days, I meditated. It’s not easy to be in the moment. M. But as you shared, yesterday was. There’s nothing I can do about it. Absolutely nothing. And it’s a waste of time to think about it. It’s a waste of time. 

And they say usually, you know, thinking about the past could put you into depression. Thinking about the future could give you anxiety because you’re anxious. What will happen tomorrow, with everything, right? Financially, physically, this and that. Whatever is in your mind. Thinking about the future puts you into anxiety. 

And we’re missing the moment right here, right now. My biggest thing is that I’ve been meditating since 2015. You know, always when we’re in. In it, as soon as you become aware of it, just pay attention to the breathing. That pulls me into the moment simply. And believe me, I have to remind myself a lot. 

I understand. If people don’t meditate, it’s even harder for them. But the idea is, you know, when I was in school, I wasn’t meditating. I had no idea about meditation, but I was still present. I served as an assistant food and beverage director at a hotel restaurant. 

And I’m studying finance. I was present when it was my shift. I cared for my clients and people on the kitchen floor. I was there fully. And I was able to see its fruit later on. Just being present brings a lot of good stuff. In one’s life. Definitely.

Cosmos 

I mean, I just realized right now that you do meditation. It’s a game changer because when you meditate, it’s like what we’re talking about. It doesn’t become a theory anymore. It becomes practice because you have to be in the present moment, like observing your breathing, and it slowly becomes a habit. 

And even when your environment is stressful, since it’s a habit you have of being calm, it just translates to every aspect of your life. 

I would advise my audience to meditate if they can.

Isilay 

 Yeah, totally. And you know, thinking about the future and how it puts that into anxiety. I just took a new certification, a new assessment. Of course, to get that assessment, you take the assessment yourself first. And it was quite interesting to see. They have three sections. One of the sections is called Motives. I’m going to say it’s kind of our values. And I came highest on values. And I think it was a responsibility. I know that M2 of them, but I came last in security among them. Security was at its lowest. And I’m looking at it. I’m like, what does that mean? Really? 

Security doesn’t mean anything to me. It’s the lowest. It’s not that it doesn’t mean anything, but how much do I think about it? And I was like, wow, it makes sense because when I moved from Turkey to the United States, I moved into nothing. And when I left Wall Street and built this business, again, nothing. I’m all by myself. I’m just going to do it from zero. I was able to see it. I’m like. So that makes sense. What does security mean to me?

Cosmos 

So, can you tell the audience a bit more about the coaching you do so that they get an idea of what it’s about?

Isilay  

Because of my background in finance, of course, I do executive leadership, and I added, next to it, personal growth. Because I do holistic coaching. I coach leaders and business owners who have challenges or a new vision that they are going towards now. Of course, the client type I love to work with. 

I mentioned before that high-performing, highly ethical, and highly integral are the people I love to coach. During coaching, the coaching engagement could be different for every client, ranging from three months to a year or even more than a year. 

And after the engagement is over, of course, it should be over one time because then they’re dependent on me, which is not what we want to do as coaches. Engagement ends, and maybe a few years later, they are at a new level. Maybe they are moving up, moving to another company, or the business is changing. They might call me again to start a new engagement if there’s a new challenge.

Cosmos 

Let’s say somebody from the audience wants to connect with you, learn more about you, and maybe get your coaching. How would they contact you, and how should they do so?

Isilay  

I have my website and am using the same name on LinkedIn again. I have an Instagram account and my email on my website. I have everything on my website. So they can reach out to me through my website or LinkedIn page.

Cosmos 

That is amazing. And I appreciate that you took the time to come to this podcast and share your story. Because mindset is so relevant and important in today’s world, the ability to adapt and how you came about and became successful in America is an inspiration. I want my audience to note that and do it in their lives. 

And so I would want you to come back at a later time.

Isilay 

Thank you so much. Thank you, Cosmos, for having me. And I would love to, yes. Come back and have more conversations with you. Thank you.

Cosmos 

I want to conclude this episode by letting my fellow extraordinary Americans know that, hey, look, there’s an extraordinary person within every one of us. We must awaken it and unleash it. Until next time. Bye for now.